Catharsis
by crossingthewaters
Summary: He will not let her slip away and she will not let him draw her close.


**A/N: I own nothing, the characters and story all belong to the creator of Mahouka Kouko no Rettousei. Also, I am looking for a beta reader for both this manga and KnB. Please message me if you're interested.**

C_A_T_H_A_R_S_I_S

Leo loves a good challenge. Always had and always will. He's never been one to back down, no matter how impossible the situation seems. Maybe that's the problem with him and Erika, Erika and him - he just doesn't know when to give up.

It's like going through a minefield blindfolded with her. He does not know why she explodes, can't predict it. Some things that he brings up she takes personal offense to, sometimes whatever he says she'll take with a grain of salt, even if it's serious or important to him. And sometimes she's just not in the mood to talk to him. He finds it compelling, the mystery that she presents. Why does she always leave the laces on her left shoe untied, free to dangle and gather dirt, but is so meticulous about everything else? Why does she drink strawberry milk on Wednesdays and only Wednesdays?

The bubbly feeling that he gets when he sees her is like nothing he's ever felt before. Somehow he is content just watching her dance through life, being silently by her side even if she never acknowledges him except to throw an insult or a retort his way. That's another thing - their arguing. So maybe he shouldn't always rise to her bait, since she makes fun of him mercilessly, like her personal laughing stock, but some masochistic part in him enjoys it. Because this is the only way that he gets to see the side of her that everyone else sees, volatile and passionate, when she is otherwise so indifferent to him. They aren't very good friends - if they aren't arguing, they aren't speaking at all.

She is no part his. They haven't shared anything with each other, she shows no signs of wanting to get to know him besides to come up with the latest joke or because someone else has pushed her into talking with him, but he is hers even if she doesn't know it.

Oh, the rest of them certainly know it. Tatsuya gives him those stupid sympathetic grins that aren't really grins, and tells him bits of poetry or famous quotes that are supposed to inspire him romantically (not in his words, in Tatsuya's). Mikihiko pats him on the shoulder and says that it will get better, he thought for the longest time that Mizuki wasn't interested in him either, and that Erika doesn't like to share her feelings easily. Except for it was as clear as crystal (if you pardon his pun) that the reclusive pair were meant for each other, so he doesn't know how that's going to help him any.

He knows that they are all wondering why he does it to himself, pines after a girl who doesn't want him back, and refuses to settle for any other when there is nothing but heartbreak in the cards.

The answer is that everything about the fiery redhead endears her to him. Once the thought of her wanders into his mind, which happens more than you would think, it spirals down a long-winded path until somehow he's arrived at three kids, a nice little cottage house with French embellishments and a well-tended garden. He's got it hammered into his stupid brain that they are soulmates, that they belong together, that someday she'll understand how deep his feelings for her are.

And that is precisely why he won't give up on her.

But he doesn't know how to communicate that in words, how to explain to them all that he sees when he looks at her, when he thinks of her, when he dreams of her, so he contents himself to smiling in a way that he knows is stupid and just tells them that he's always been a stubborn one, which is true in itself. But not completely, because Chiba Erika has always brought out the worst in him.

* * *

Erika loves a good challenge. The feeling of winning against odds that are stacked so high against her that anyone else would've been scared off is magnificent, and she always feels afterwards like she can take on the world. That's why she doesn't like Leo. He's much too easy. She doesn't even have to lift a finger, and he's already fallen all over her, like a puppy.

It's pathetic and weak and all of those things that she will never allow herself to be. She does not know why his eyes soften when they land on her, and frankly she couldn't care less. He is too predictable - even without knowing him at all, she can guess where his heart lies. Everyone else is a mystery, but he is just a simpleton. He wears his heart on his sleeve and pours out his emotions with a generous hand, proclaiming them to the world. His openness is not a good thing. A warrior must maintain his composure at all times or risk giving the enemy an opening at which to strike.

The contempt that she feels for his flaws is palpable, but it mingles with other, gentler feelings. Pity, that for some reason he is in love with her, who will never return it. His earnest manner is sure to have garnered him a few admirers; she is not the only woman in the world. A slight admiration at the resolve behind each and every of his words and his unyielding drive, despite the undeniable fact that he has no idea of his own limits. He is still just a little boy who thinks he can do everything, and that innocence is something she can't hate him for. Lastly, fear of the inevitable repercussions that he will bring along with him. It's a package deal.

He is not good for her. Maybe he is good to her, in that he treats her kindly, when she is doing everything that she can to drive him away. But when she looks at his easygoing freedom, with nothing at all on the line except for a bit of pride, she can't help but miss what she knows she's never had.

And it's dangerous, the little bit of rebellion that he inspires in her, so she makes it a point to stay well away from him. Oh, the rest of them try to convince her that he is a Good Thing, that he will Change Her Life, and that his love is What She Needs. It isn't like Mikihiko and Mizuki would know, their relationship is definitely 110% more mutual than the nonexistent one that they think they can cultivate between Leo and herself. Plus, Tatsuya himself has that little tag-along, Mitsui, who he can't shake off, so he's got no room to talk.

She knows that they are all wondering what's stopping her from letting him love her, nice and decently attractive guy that he is, why she keeps her distance when he clearly cares so much.

The answer is complicated. It's hard to define what she thinks about Leo, to delve beyond the superficial animosity she's settled into, because part of her doesn't want to define it. Is she afraid of what will happen if she does? Yes, she is. Would she like for her life to stay simple and relatively pain-free? Who wouldn't? Thinking on her feelings for him leads her on a path that she is not brave enough to explore, one that has the potential to upset her entire trajectory. She's got a good thing going, with her studying at First High, even if only as a second-best student, and already garnering a reputation as one of the strongest among the first-years. She wouldn't want to ruin it by making a mistake she can avoid.

And it's already hard enough to acknowledge that she is not the strong girl that she has worn like a mask as long as she has known how.

But she doesn't know how to tell them that without admitting that she is not as indifferent to him as she may seem, that maybe she does sometimes feel like giving the whole 'love' thing a go, that she is unsure and lonely and confused as the best of them, that she _needs_ someone. So she lets herself lie and say that she just isn't interested. A part of her feels relieved every time she manages to avoid their needling looks or satisfy their lingering doubts. After all, Saijou Leonhard has always brought out the worst in her.


End file.
